I'm just 10 most recent entries

Date: 2007-04-29 11:47 Subject: on the brink of summer Security: Public Mood: happy i am waking up to the sounds of blossoming the beauty of days is beginning to carry over soon the warmth will be constant the way nothing ever is i'm finding light in places i didn't know shadows could touch and i'm dripping wet with tangible i'm going back to pens and paper the life that exists between sheets this is the end of this journal for however long ends last which is just until they meet love here now be

one step closer| aporia

so the beginning of my week is going to actually tear out my life.
i worked until about 11:30 tonight, and have to work at 7am tomorrow.
i'm feeling sick, but can't sleep because i have so much homework to get done.
then after work tomorrow, i have class until about after 8pm.
and a 9:25 the next morning ..

BUT
Wednesday, at 7:30 i'm reading two pieces for the Night of Noise
they're in the campus center building, in one of the lounges by the info desk.

and Friday, is Take Back the Night.
and Mary asked me to read something, so i'm still writing my piece, but i'm going to read something for it on friday in the commons.
if you're around .. i mean you should just go anyway, it's a really amazing experience.
so yea.
i've denied myself of poetry almost all year,
i hope some good things come out of me.


i'm sick as a dog
and i'm overwhelmed,
but i'm picking happiness.

love.

and i hope you'll come back soon
and i feel like a million bucks today
million bucks today

went to the siren film festival last night and it was nice to see a room full of people i like and to dress up.
i like run on sentences.
so what.

so for the past few weeks, i've been meeting justin martucci (a man of glory-status in my life) for breakfast at hal's deli on a weekend morning. and today we met, and chatted for 2 hours over delicious food and just yea.

it's so hard to remember all the things you know.

like how important it can be to just start the day right. so we smoked by his car as a prolonged goodbye, and i practically skipped home feeling great. ran into some more friends, felt even better.
and it was sunny out.
there are times when the little things keep adding up.
and that's been now.

i took off work today, to get things done before tonight.
tonight is our cruise-ship party.
first party in a while.
and i forsee it being a great one.
with some beauty outfits.
and maybe some shuffle board if we can fanagle it.

love.

dear
the enormous painful pimple i can feel forming on the side of my nose,

i hope i'm not writing this too late.
i'm sorry i didn't return your calls.
i meant everything i said the other night.
i really do value our friendship.
so whatever it is you're thinking of doing, please.
please.
i'm begging you to reconsider.
you don't want to do this.

i trust you to make the right decision.

lylas.

karen.
_______________________________

- yesterday i did work for 8 or so hours total in the library and felt feel great about it.
- aki made me a delicious dinner which ruled.
- i went to an a cappella concert which stole all of the evil from my life and made it wonderful.
don't even get me started on a cappella. and my itty secret obsession with it. oh god.
- came home and played catch phrase with a group of actually genius people. the amount of fun i had was offensive. i think the highlight was probably dan giving clues like "a certain kind of bird might wear these particular underwear on any given day." which of course means the pelican brief. it feels so healthy to laugh so much.
- ended up staying awake until about 5am just chatting. played some guitar hero, you know.
- skipped my morning classes this morning and stayed in bed until about 2pm. it was glorious.
- spent 2 hours parked in a car listening to music and smoking some glory cigarettes. oh they are candy to me. oops.
- had an wonderful dinner with allie and daniel cole. the most genius man to walk the present day earth.
- went to class. psh whatevz.
- drove around for some 2 hours more smoking, chatting, listening to music, and discovering places.
________________________________

i'm learning.

every day.

so much.

i spent the morning sleeping on and off, surrounded by piles of books in the sunlit corners of my room.

hi.

every time we re-become aware of the actual abilities we posess, exerting merely a fraction of self control seems heroic.

ok everybody.
listen and listen good.

of montreal is touring around right now, and you need to go to their show
NOT to see them, but to see the band touring with them:
Grand Buffet

dear god. i've erased all the music i've ever owned and i will only listen to them for the rest of my days.
which is a lie.
but they are the most glorious.

everybody who missed out tonight, MISSED the fuck out tonight.
AHHHHH!!!!

also,
decemberists in rochester (i think or that area) at the end of march sometime...
clearly we're going, and getting garbage plates.
man up.
and do the damn thing.


my future is so bright
i have third degree burns

1) andie was accepted by teach for america. which effing rules.
she'll be in texas for the next two years, which is a sweet thing to know .. when you're graduating.
way to go lady, you're so much more than perfect for it. WOO!
celebratory drinks at the chapter house tonight after 10.

2) i just got the new modest mouse cd
so far i dig it

3) this weekend will be mindblowingly wonderful because of secrets i can't even tell you ahhhhh!!!!

4) there's a bag of vomit in my bedroom. which is unfortunate.

5) i was thinking about human nature. and realized that as long as you keep it in mind, about everyone, you can't ever really be upset with people. Even the conscious choices we think we're making .. are totally programmed. and it's predictable, and can seem trite, but we don't know to know any better. [until we do .. and then the self-awareness kicks into play a whole new set of ground rules woo woo!] but yea. i just like that so much. as long as you don't end up being condescending about it. because lame.

6) i am a master at closing the coffee shop.

7) i really like the idea of these words at the end of my life:

if i ever told you i love you i meant it
if i never told you i love you i meant to

1) i wrote a song today! and i'm really pumped about it. Ah!

2) i might be going to see of montreal with sarah and tyson next wednesday? fuck the hell yes.

3) i found $400 dollars in pay checks that i forgot i'd been putting off depositing.

4) i finished my first portfolio for writing, and now we're starting a section on mothers. i'm pumped.

5) james meakim might come up and play a show with us in april. oh god. my heart.

6) you gave me this cd so many years ago! thanks.

7) i'm on top of my godamn shit.

my first portfolio is due tomorrow for women & writing, so i've been editing poems since about 10:30 a.m.
here are two more if you've got a minute.

[this first one is about body hair and shaving more or less]

( the barren )

( everything stunning )



i am so fascinated by my (and so many people's) ability to step in and embrace the powerful idea of womanhood, and to step back out and feel just as at home in a kind of abstract gender of humanity. there is more to say about it, always, but i have to keep doing homework until i go to work.
but if you want to talk to me about it sometime, please.

[thanks jenny]

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